Going to Cali

We are leaving for California on Saturday morning. Thankfully we are going to see my sis Molly and her husband 1st before we are supposed to see Ester. I say supposed to see Ester because Sunday she was acting weird again and was supposed to call back on Tuesday night and we haven't heard from her since. We were having Life Groups when she called so I asked her if I could call her back after everyone left. So I did and the conversation went something like this. Hey Ester, sorry I had to call you back. We had a lot of people over and were right in the middle of our Bible study. SILENCE. I was like, are you there? Yeah, I'm here. SILENCE. I asked a couple more questions, like how she was, etc. and all questions were received with SILENCE. I was getting irritated at this point so I said-I've got alot of cleaning up to do, why don't we talk this wk sometime. She actually responded to that and said-sure that she would call on Tuesday. I asked her briefly about if she wanted to meet either Wed or Thurs and she said-oh that's still a wk away we can talk about that later. I was thinking-huh? Strange-o!

I have to say-I don't have a good feeling about her. For some reason I don't think we will actually meet her. I think she'll come up with some excuse or just not call. If that happens, we won't be going forward with this little boy. Michael and I have been asking Him to guide us and show us what to do. I think that would be just one more sign that this is probably not the best situation for us. Please pray that God will show us what He wants for us......and we will recognize it!

Myra news-I was so stressed on Sunday-I guess it wasn't just Sunday-it's constant but anyway...Sunday we walk in to church and I hear my name. I look up and there's Myra....at church. I gave her a big hug and we chat for a moment. I know my face was in shock because a couple of my friends were like-that's Myra isn't it? I hope she didn't see my disbelief! It's not that I don't want her to go to church...I do. I just didn't want her to worship at OUR church. She already knows so much about us and once this little girl comes, there's no way we could worship together. It would be TOO weird for both of us. So if indeed she feels that this is were she should be, we will have to find a new church home. That upsets me because I love our church and the people in it. We have found some of our dearest friends there. I know that if this is God's plan, there's a reason. AND if it leads to Myra and her children's souls being saved, then obviously this is what needs to happen. It just adds more stress and worry on our shoulders.

My bunco girls threw me a shower on Monday night. It was so much fun. It was also very surreal. I've waited for it for so long...and still I don't feel totally comfortable. I was taking some stuff out of the package yesterday praying...God, I'm opening and washing these items on faith that you will give us a baby soon. That this little girl will be ours. I kept saying that over and over. I sometimes think-if Heaven forbid, something happens and we don't get either babies...what will I do? I know that it's my past disappointments that is causing me to doubt as well as a good dose of Satan. I'm working very hard on believing that she will be ours and maybe we will even get him too. I'm not greedy. I just want one healthy little baby. I had dreams about her last night. I think of her constantly. I know He has put her on my heart....

A what???

Well, actually I had a better title but Michael didn't think it was as funny as I did...Our Baby Mama's a Prostitute! That's right-I'm serious. What can you do but laugh-I mean really? What are the odds? Okay, I don't know for a fact that it's true-but as Michael says-if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck. I won't bore you with all my evidence--it would take forever.

That being said, it freaks us out a bit. We are worried for her safety (E's) as well as the baby. Her purse got stolen on Saturday (well, that's what she said) so we sent money to her today to get her thru this wk of rent at the hotel. She's supposed to be moving into an apartment on Oct 1st which I'm thrilled about. Lifetime has made it very clear about the amout of financial help we will give, that it's concrete and we won't add more. She knows that and that makes me feel a little better. We are supposed to go out to CA next Sat to meet her and go to a dr's appt...so that should be very interesting.

So let me tell you the "rest of the story". With all this drama going on-we also go to Myra's dr's appt on Tuesday. It was awesome, the staff was so amazingly friendly, the dr was very helpful and we felt great about the whole experience. Even though they didn't have an ultrasound scheduled, they did one for us-at M's request! We got pics and everything. We were just overwhelmed with how cool it was. Loved every minute of it!

We did find out some interesting news-her due date was wrong. The had figured it out by her last menstrual cycle which gave them October 18th. When they did the ultra sound it changed, drastically. Get this-it's now December 18th. Yes, that's right 5 days after E's due date. WHAT IN THE WORLD?? I told Michael, we've been praying for a sign of what to do...maybe this is it? How can we be in 2 places at once?? After continuing to digest this info, I get frustrated. I thought I was going to have a baby in 4 wks and now it looks like I'm going to have to choose one or the other? I was an EMOTIONAL BASKETCASE yesterday to say the least. I felt like I cried all afternoon. Michael was like-who said we can't do both-it's not impossible, it's just going to be a bit of a challenge. I hadn't even thought that we could indeed take them both. (He's so good about helping me think rationally, because sometimes I get ahead of myself! Love you MJ)) My mom was so great and told me she would be wherever, whenever. (I just love my momma so!)

I still don't know what we are going to do. My problem is I don't want to have to choose one baby or the other. What if we choose the wrong one and something happens?? I'm so over all this-I just want a healthy baby in my arms-I'm not greedy.

We spoke with the attorney in CA and he said that we need to tell E-he said there's a law that says you have to disclose who will be living in your home to the birthmom and we could have the little girl before we finalize with E. So that's stressful too.

I just don't know what to do....I'm overwhelmed and I'm so not looking forward to 3 months of uncertainty. We need prayers that God will show us what we need to do...we are trying to let Him guide us. It's just so hard.

Tough Weekend

Let me say 1st of all that this weekend was not a good one. It started off great on Friday-Michael took me out to dinner to River Grill (which I don't know why we don't go there more often-the food is great and the dining experience is even better). I was anxious all day-actually I've been so stressed since Myra has come into our life-I was just so nervous and worked up. He had called in advance and told them that we are in the process of adopting 2 little ones and that I needed a relaxing evening. He asked them if they anything special to give me. How thoughtful...anyway they had Godiva chocolates they brought me as well as best wishes. Our waiter was so sweet and asked all kinds of questions. It really was a nice evening and something we both needed!

Saturday we were going to work in the babies room. We had to run some errands first and right before we were going walk out the door I look out my kitchen window and an ambulance is at our neighbors across the street. I tell Michael, so he rushes over. It turns out that John was having a seizure. They took him to the hospital and we followed. We stayed with his wife for awhile just to make sure everything was okay. It was so scary. His wife was just so startled and she said that life without him started flashing through her brain. Thankfully he's home now and hopefully they can find out what triggered this. He's probably in his late 60's and this has never happened before.

So we go do our errands, etc and are back home getting all the non baby stuff out of the room and we get a call saying that a man at our church was killed in a car accident. We were just devastated. He was only in his early 40's, has a sweet, sweet wife, and 2 adorable girls. We were so shocked. I still can't believe it happened. It breaks my heart for the whole family. I don't know how you go on after something like this? And what about those girls?? He was an amazing man-super friendly and just a great person. Please pray for the Howell and Carter family. They need them so badly.

After saying all this it seems like my issues really don't matter that much-but I will tell you what's going on now. We spoke with Lifetime as well as Ester the end of this wk and all seemed to be back on track. Then I get a call from her on Sunday afternoon. It's a long story but basically someone stole her purse from her hotel room. She said all her money for the next 2 wks of rent was in there and she didn't have any other money. She is supposed to be moving into an apt. the beg of October. She said she just wished they could find her purse-that meant more to her than the money. I told her I totally understood. I told her that I would call Michael (he was at the fire station) and see what we could do to help. So we agreed we would help, but we wanted to just pay for one night and then speak with our attorney to make sure all is well, etc. I call Ester and tell her. I told her I would call the hotel and pay via credit card for Sunday night and then deal with the rest of the wk on Monday. She told me they don't take credit cards over the phone that you have to pay with cash or a credit card in person-which I thought was fishy. I told her I would call the hotel manager and speak with her and see what we could do. She said she didn't speak English very well...I thought-that sounds fishy too. Okay so know I'm on my way to a baby shower and I get a call from Lifetime. She starts telling me the story and says that Ester says that her and her moms purse was stolen-the police found them in a dumpster but all the money was gone. HUH? I stopped the Lifetime girl and told her that's not what Ester told me. SO now I'm really feeling like something weird is going on....I told the person at Lifetime that I would call the hotel and pay for tonight if they'll let me and then we can see what in the world is going on tomorrow. She agrees. So after I get home I call the hotel and indeed they won't take a credit card over the phone and she doesn't speak great English, but she understood me and I could understand her. She was really rude and wouldn't let me speak with the manager. She eventually hung up on me.

It's such a strange situation. I never called Ester back and she didn't call me either. I know that Lifetime called her and told her we were trying to resolve it....I'm frustrated and want to give Ester the benefit of the doubt but she's been making it tough lately. I'm just so ready for this to be OVER. I want to move on with our life with our babies and not have to deal with all this drama!

HMMMM.....

Okay well after I muddled over a conversation I had with Ester on Friday night for a few days and after I spoke with our Adoption coordinator....I'm now puzzled. Ester was acting different on Friday night-not herself at all. She mentioned some things that were kinda strange, but during the conversation I really didn't think much about it. Like she said that her son asked her-"hypothetically what would you name the baby?" She had a name picked out and told me what it was. I was thinking at the time-weird, but maybe she's trying to find out what we are naming him. And she said something about how a committee that she's on a school wants to throw her a baby shower and her sister said-didn't you tell them that you weren't keeping the baby-she said No, it's none of their business. She told her sister that she was going to give us all the stuff that they gave her. Strange again, right?? There were other little things that made me feel uneasy, but with the excitement of talking to Myra, I think I buried them a bit.

So, Veronica our adoption coordinator, said that these are not good signs, but not necessarily horrible signs. I told her that we have been thru enough heartache and if she is thinking about changing her mind, we want to know now. We are supposed to go out there in October and I'm not going unsure of where we stand. Veronica was going to call Ester and try and talk to her without telling her everything I told her. Hopefully I'll hear back from her today.

Anyway-I'm not sure what all this means but we are so tired of all this. I'm so thankful that we have this baby girl to think about and that is really helping me not to freak out about it. We feel so good about that situation--although we felt really good about Ester too, so who knows!?!

Keep praying that if this little boy is not ours we will find out now and not have to go thru another 3 months and then she changes her mind. Also don't forget about Myra and our little girl!

Are we crazy?

Yes, I think we might be. This is the question I've been asking myself since Monday. Seriously, our we Nuts-o?

This could be a HUGE long story, so I'll try and abbreviate it a bit. Monday we got a call from a girl at church who has been a mentor to a local drug and rehab place near where we live. She said, I know of a BM who wants to talk to you about adopting her baby. So we meet...yes, that day. Michael and I go up there with really no expectations. Just wanted to get info, and see what the deal was. She walks up to greet us and she Hispanic. It was kind of ironic and I know we were both thinking the same thing-wow...she's Hispanic. Awesome! If I haven't made it clear, the little boy we are adopting is Hispanic as well. Back to my drama...we sit down to talk to her and we ask her lots of questions--about her, about her life, what she wants, etc. We found out she's 30 years old, this is her 5th child, her other 4 kids are in foster homes and she's in rehab for doing meth. We also found out that she's due October 18th and it's a little GIRL! She has seen the dr. since she got into the rehab facility and has been clean since June..our estimates are that she did meth for about 4 months of the babies life-super scary. Her doctor told her that the baby is doing well and right now the only problem is that she's alot tinier than normal. She has another dr's appt on Sept 17th and they will do an ultrasound again to check this little one out. She tells us that she's ready to make a decision and doesn't want to look at other families. I told her that I would call her Friday-tomorrow-and see how she's feeling and if she still wants to proceed.

SO-from this we go home and our minds are racing. We are most worried about the health of the baby and what the effects could be. I called as many people as I could between Monday and Tuesday to ask their opinion...dr's, nurses, foster specialist, our family, an elder at our church and even an attorney. We were told by the medical people that learning disabilities as well as hyper activity seems to be the most likely as well as how small she'll be at birth...nothing that we can't overcome. I guess there's not a lot of studies that have been done relating to meth during the pregnancy since meth is a relatively new drug.

Okay-so right now we are thinking that we will take her....yes and we will take him too! Now you know why I ask if we are crazy! They will be approximately 2 months apart.

The other super scary part is that we don't want to tell either BM's what's going on-especially Ester. I hate that but I don't want Ester to change her mind and by telling her, we're giving her a possibility to doubt her decision.

Again, I ask for your fervent prayers. Please pray that we will make the right decision--whatever that may be--for our family. Pray for both babies and BM-the little girls BM's name is Myra.

Love to all...

A baby boy for us!

It's true-It's a boy! We found out Thursday and I've been meaning to blog about it and just haven't. It was so sweet-her oldest daughter, Linda-wrote us a poem and that's how she told us. "Roses are red, violets are blue, Michael and Shannon it's a baby boy for you!" Michael was ECSTATIC when he found out. He was getting a tidbit emotional but was able to hold it together. After he got off the phone to start texting everyone AND there brother, Ester said, he's really excited isn't he? I told her, yes sirree, he is!

It makes it all so much more real knowing we know what the baby is and that we will have to start preparing for little boy stuff. God is so good and I know in the past I have definitely doubted Him. I guess that's just the human side of me. I'm so thrilled that this opportunity has been laid at our feet and humbled that we will indeed be parents. My heart is so full of hope, joy and love I can't wait to share it with our sweet, precious boy.

Please continue your prayers for us, Ester and our little one. We so desperately need them. I do have more news, but no time to write about it. No, I'm not pregnant----I promise I'll get back here today or tomorrow. Keep checking back!