Going to Cali

We are leaving for California on Saturday morning. Thankfully we are going to see my sis Molly and her husband 1st before we are supposed to see Ester. I say supposed to see Ester because Sunday she was acting weird again and was supposed to call back on Tuesday night and we haven't heard from her since. We were having Life Groups when she called so I asked her if I could call her back after everyone left. So I did and the conversation went something like this. Hey Ester, sorry I had to call you back. We had a lot of people over and were right in the middle of our Bible study. SILENCE. I was like, are you there? Yeah, I'm here. SILENCE. I asked a couple more questions, like how she was, etc. and all questions were received with SILENCE. I was getting irritated at this point so I said-I've got alot of cleaning up to do, why don't we talk this wk sometime. She actually responded to that and said-sure that she would call on Tuesday. I asked her briefly about if she wanted to meet either Wed or Thurs and she said-oh that's still a wk away we can talk about that later. I was thinking-huh? Strange-o!

I have to say-I don't have a good feeling about her. For some reason I don't think we will actually meet her. I think she'll come up with some excuse or just not call. If that happens, we won't be going forward with this little boy. Michael and I have been asking Him to guide us and show us what to do. I think that would be just one more sign that this is probably not the best situation for us. Please pray that God will show us what He wants for us......and we will recognize it!

Myra news-I was so stressed on Sunday-I guess it wasn't just Sunday-it's constant but anyway...Sunday we walk in to church and I hear my name. I look up and there's Myra....at church. I gave her a big hug and we chat for a moment. I know my face was in shock because a couple of my friends were like-that's Myra isn't it? I hope she didn't see my disbelief! It's not that I don't want her to go to church...I do. I just didn't want her to worship at OUR church. She already knows so much about us and once this little girl comes, there's no way we could worship together. It would be TOO weird for both of us. So if indeed she feels that this is were she should be, we will have to find a new church home. That upsets me because I love our church and the people in it. We have found some of our dearest friends there. I know that if this is God's plan, there's a reason. AND if it leads to Myra and her children's souls being saved, then obviously this is what needs to happen. It just adds more stress and worry on our shoulders.

My bunco girls threw me a shower on Monday night. It was so much fun. It was also very surreal. I've waited for it for so long...and still I don't feel totally comfortable. I was taking some stuff out of the package yesterday praying...God, I'm opening and washing these items on faith that you will give us a baby soon. That this little girl will be ours. I kept saying that over and over. I sometimes think-if Heaven forbid, something happens and we don't get either babies...what will I do? I know that it's my past disappointments that is causing me to doubt as well as a good dose of Satan. I'm working very hard on believing that she will be ours and maybe we will even get him too. I'm not greedy. I just want one healthy little baby. I had dreams about her last night. I think of her constantly. I know He has put her on my heart....