Back to Reality!

My mom left on Friday and boy was I sad to see her go. It had been an emotional week-I found out on Tuesday that the company I work for shut their doors down, so I'm out of a job. Very disheartening. Besides that horrid news, we really had a good time. I hate that she had to leave and wish she didn't live so far away. I miss my mommy and Callie misses her MiMi! PS-if you know of any job openings-let me know!

We had pics done about 2 Friday's ago and just got to se the proofs today. They are really cute and it will be hard to weed thru them. If you want to check them out go to capturetheheartphoto.com and go the slideshow area-the enter out last name with the 1st letter capitalized and you can view them. Share your favs with me if you want!

This past Sunday I got the showers of all showers! It was so unbelievable. All I can say is that I was overwhelmed with all the kindness, love, support and GIFTS I received. I have so many thank you notes to write out and I'm really looking forward to writing them! We both know that we made it thru all of our trials with the help of YOUR prayers.

Callie had her 2 wk check last Wednesday and MiMi got to go....Callie gained 12 oz's in ONE week! She's up to 7lbs 5 oz's. So, yep she's eating!!: ) Although, she hasn't been very happy these last few days. I think she has a little tummy ache...not sleeping as well as she was. Other than that she's perfect.

Hope everyone has a Merry Christmas-even with me losing my job I'm so thankful this Christmas. Our miracle has finally arrived and she's absolutely more than my heart ever dreamed she would be. We ARE blessed.

Love to All!

Callie has Arrived!

Sorry for such a delay---but this time I have a real excuse...a baby girl named Callie Rose! She arrived in our arms on Dec 3rd at 7:48pm. She weighed 6lbs 13oz and was 20 inches long. She has a TON and I do mean a TON of hair. And a tiny dimple on her right cheek. We are in LOVE with our baby girl and can't get enough of her--even at 4 am in the morning! Here's a few pics of our beautiful baby...you could just eat her up she's so sweet!

It's almost baby girl time!

YES!!!! She will be here on December 3rd! We'll have Myra at the hospital between 5 and 5:30 Wednesday morning to start her meds. Dr Hannah thinks that it should take between 6-8 hours for our baby to make her grand entrance. WOO HOOO!

It was funny because we went in and Myra was definitely thinking she could pick Dec 1 as her date and the doc said-no..it would have to be either the 4th or the 5th. He goes to check the schedule and walks back in saying-well the 4th is totally booked, what about having a baby on Dec 3rd. She was like YES! We laughed and told him thanks for not making her go till the 5th! I know it's only 2 days, but to Myra 2 days is like an eternity.

We are so thankful that Myra was placed into our lives--she is so special to us and we really care about her. I know that when we talk about Myra to our daughter it will be wonderful to tell her what a great person her birthmom is. God was truly working to place us with Myra-and I'm so amazed at what He can do. It took Him along time, but I know it will be worth the wait.

Hopefully the next time I blog it'll be showing off our little girl! Love to all and say a special prayer for all of us for the next few wks. Happy Thanksgiving---we have SO much to be thankful for!

WHEW--What a Weekend!

So Friday, we got a msg from Myra saying that she was on her way to the ER because she was having trouble breathing---we head to the hospital and find out that they think that her gall bladder is infected and the ER doctor says they are planning on removing it. I was like WHAT? Do surgery on a 36 wk pregnant woman when we plan on inducing in 10 days?? I call Rachel, my sweet friend who's a labor and delivery nurse (well for the time being she is!:)) and ask her what she thinks. She's thinks that idea is whack-a-doodle as well so I call Dr. Hannah, Myra's OB doctor. SIDENOTE-the dr in the ER said that she'd been in contact with Dr. Hannah numerous times and he was in agreement.- So, I get a return phone call from Dr. Hannah's nurse and she tells me that Dr. Hannah doesn't want the surgery to be done, because it will most likely induce labor and we need these extra days. So---Myra get's admitted still thinking we are doing the surgery and we could possibly have a baby coming. Previous to all of this I ask Myra about her little girl (she's 22 months old) she has with her at DP and who will take care of her if she does get admitted. There was a lady at church she they were going to call to ask to be on stand by. I tell her that if that doesn't work, that we would gladly take her.

I decide to run home and let our dog out, etc because we were planning on staying with her for the surgery and didn't know how long it would all take-at this point it was 3:30 in the afternoon. Right as I get home, I get a call saying that Myra was finally in a room, but they needed me to come back and pick up Myra's daughter...I'll call her A from DP. Myra was told that she was staying in the hospital till Sunday so we would have A till then....

After we picked A up we were trying to do anything we could to make her happy-she's only met us twice and last time we talked to her was probably a month ago. She didn't remember us from Adam. We headed to Chick-fil-A to let her play in the play place, and Michael said-I guess this is what the "new" Friday nights looks like! It was 5:30 and we were eating dinner at a fast food joint. Too funny! Anywhoo-it's been a crazy, crazy weekend. I'm worn out, but everytime I look at her I think our little girl is probably going to look very similar to A-and A is ABSOLUTELY adorable. Tonight we were cuddling before I put her to bed and she looked at me, made fish lips and kissed me right on the lips. It was so stinking cute. Then she got up on my lap grabbed my face and started talking in her sweet little voice-speaking gibberish but I got what the point was-she said i wuv you mama-and kissed me again. I started crying-it was just so sweet. I could take A as my very own as well She's been thru so much, yet she is so re silent and so loving.

Back to Myra and our baby...it ends up that no surgery will be done-as least not right now. It looks like Myra has an inflammation of the gall bladder and they are trying to treat it with meds. Dr. Hannah is on call this weekend, thank goodness, so he's been checking on her. He told her today that if they can't get the meds to work, they would have to take the baby before they do the surgery. Pray that the meds work and she can make it till 1st of December. We still have our scheduled dr's appt on Tues to pick the date, and with all this going on I do hope he says 12/1 is fine.

We're soooo close!

Went to the dr yesterday with Myra-really not much progress, but boy was she in a better mood! I think she is truly seeing that the end of her pregnancy is near and that makes her very happy. She was dilated to a 1.5 so not much there--but at least it was something. We go back on Tuesday the 25th and Dr. Hannah said we can then pick a day the next wk for the induction. He just wanted her to make it to the 1st of December. That being said, on the drive back to drop Myra off she said if I get to pick the date, then I want Dec 1st. The last appt he said Dec 4th, so we'll see if 3 days really matter that much. December 1st sounds great to us! That's only 13 days away and it seems so unreal! We are finally so close to getting what we have prayed so fervently for.

Later that afternoon she called and said that she'd just lost her mucus plug (sorry-disgusting I know). That's a good sign that things are progressing. It just seems so nuts that in less than 2 wks we'll be a family of 3 instead of 2. What an amazing, amazing time we have instore for us.

We continue to need all the prayers we can get for a healthy, safe delivery for them...and also for the days after. I know those 10 days are going to be difficult......we want them to pass as quickly as possible!

Totally worth waiting for......

Look at those CHEEKS and that sweet little nose. I can't wait to KISS THEM.... :)

Our little girl is 5 lbs 9 oz's as of today and birth mom is almost 34 wks. Little miss priss looks SOOOO good. We even got to see that she's has hair--curly to boot! :) WOO HOOO!!! She is going to be able to wear all those bows I bought her!!!

Dr. Hannah said that baby looks super good but he's still sticking with December 18th due date. He told Myra that he would induce her when she's 38 wks-which would be Dec 4th. He won't let her go past that and said if the baby decides to come earlier-he won't stop the labor.

Myra was super upset about the Dec 4th date--she obviously wanted him to tell her that he would induce now. She was crying and I felt so bad for her. I want to help, but I just don't know what to do or say. I called her mentor and another person that's been working closely with her that I hope she turns to. Right now she need your prayers now more than ever. I do pray our baby comes quickly-as long as she's healthy-4 wks seem like a lifetime for Myra right now.

Isn't she so beautiful?

Adoption Papers Signed!!

Friday we went to see Myra along with her counselor to sign the consent form for the adoption. It's a huge step--we've never got this far before. Surprisingly it is an extremely short document with probably only 10 bullets. All she had to do was sign it in front of a notary public. Seems a little nuts that this little document is the only thing that takes her rights as a parent away. We wanted to leave the document with her so she could go over it and not feel rushed in signing it, but she insisted on doing it right then and there. I am very thankful that she did and that part is over with.

We are convinced that this is her final decision-she is so ready to be "done" with this pregnancy. It funny because as we were chatting I got very emotional-I think it's because we both want to move on with our lives and this babies birth is monumental for both of us-just in very different ways. I'm so ready for her to get here, I can barely stand it.

Myra seems so much more relaxed than she has since we met her. I think she's realizing that she can't be in control of everything-only herself and her actions. She also has made a birth plan and I'm so glad she did. She has people in place to call-from our church-that have said they will be with her. For that, I'm so thankful. I don't want her to be alone after the baby comes-I know it will be so hard for her. I want to support her in everyway possible, but I know that I won't be able to do it myself. She probably won't even want to see me, I don't know....it makes me sad that we won't be continuing a relationship-but I know it's the best for both of us. She's an amazing women and I'm so proud of the changes she's making in her life.

We go to the doctor on Tuesday to find out what's truly going on with her due date. They are going to do an ultrasound to find out how big she really is....she measured 39 wks a wk and 1/2 ago. I'm anxious for this appt and hope that it will give us a better idea of when our baby will really be here. I truly think that she's coming in the next 2 wks. I'm sure it's wishful thinking-but maybe I'll be right!

I think she might be here before we know it!

Spoke with Myra today-she called saying she went back in to the dr...she didn't want to go to the ER so Dr. Hannah squeezed her in. She's having alot of pelvic pressure, she's having trouble even walking around and unfortunately she's still not feeling great. Dr Hannah wants to do another ultrasound on the 4th which is our next scheduled appt. He told her today that he thinks she might be bigger than he thought.....I keep saying I think she's coming no later than the 2nd wk in November.

I'm so ready for her to get here-well, as long as she's healthy I want her to come now! :)

Decisions, Decisions....

Well after much prayer, tears and stress we have decided not to go forward with Ester. We made it official last Tuesday. It was hard calling Lifetime and letting them know but we both knew it needed to be done. I definitely didn't want to be the one that told Ester-how horrid would that have been? I feel at peace with the decision and know that it was made with careful thought, earnest prayers and extreme patience. I still pray for Ester and the family that will be taking this little boy.

We had an eventful day yesterday-we went to with Myra for her dr's appt-she's almost 32 wks, and when we get there Myra says-the baby hasn't been moving as much as she normally does....the nurse checks the baby's heart rate and it looks good. Then she comes in after speaking with Dr. Hannah and say that he wants to put her on a monitor for about 20 min. They tell us that the heart rate should spike often which tells them that she is moving around all is good. Dr Hannah comes in and isn't satisfied with the results and tells us to go the hospital for further eval. He tells that they are going give Myra some IV fluids and that should probably do the trick. (side note-I forgot to mention that she's been throwing up and not feeling well for the past day or so) He says worst case scenario, we will have to go ahead and deliver if she doesn't respond to the IV. I'm thinking...holy moly she can't come yet-it's not time...I want her to be healthy...please don't let anything be wrong with her...keep her healthy...please let everything be okay.

We head over to the hospital and they hook her up to the machine, take blood and start the IV. At 1st our little one didn't respond but after the bag was almost gone she started to get a lot more spunky. WHOOOH....what a day! We picked Myra up at 9 and got home after 4. Myra seems to be feeling better too, she was just really tired.

Things continue to go well with Myra, although she's very, very stressed. Pray for her peace-not just with her giving her little to us, but peace in her recovery and peace as she tries to get her life back in order. She's carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders and I know that He can help relieve them.

Happy Birthday Michael!

Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Michael, Happy Birthday to you!!

Today is Michael's birthday...and I'm sad to say that he's working and I'm frantically trying to get my suitcase packed to head to Dallas. BUMMER!!! I'm sorry baby!

Last night we had a few friends over and celebrated inpromto style. Although it was HIS birthday he wanted to grill so he made filet's and tuna steaks on shish kabobs. Yummidy! I made Michael's favorite-homemade apple pie. It totally stinks I'm leaving for a wk. Life has been so crazy, crazy, crazy it feels like we haven't stopped to just chill out in forever.

So, as one extra birthday present I want to tell the world how much I love you and am so blessed God chose YOU for me. We've been though a lot o' drama, but it has only made us closer and I'm so thankful for that and so thankful for you! LOVE! :)

Long Awaited News--sorry!

I know you guys have been waiting and waiting for news. It's just been another one of those wks-I've been unpacking and catching up just so I can prepare to leave again on Sat for a wk. I'm going to Dallas for work.

We had a great time with Molly and Stan. I'll post later about that. It was so good to see her. I needed that time with my sister.

So here's the story-I called Ester on Wednesday on our way back from Molly's house to set up the time to meet her and the kids. She tells me that it all sounded good and to call back when we arrive at the hotel. We had planned for 5ish. I called about 4:00 to set up the time and give her the address, etc and she says-my cousin is stuck in traffic and doesn't know when she'll be home. I was like-okay what do you want to do now? She said-well the kids have a lot of homework.....so maybe we should just meet at the dr's office tomorrow. I told her if that's what she wanted to do, that was fine. Inside I was thinking-I knew you were going to pull something like this. I confirmed with her the time for the dr's appt and she said to be there at 9:30.

Next morning-we get to the dr's office and Ester is not there. It's 9:45 no Ester, 10:00 no Ester. Finally I say-how long are we going to sit here and wait??? We decide to go and get a coffee and come back. Michael said if she's still not there, we are leaving and we're done. I agree. I'm getting more and more irritated. We head outside and I hear my name being called. We look to the right and find Ester with her sister sittng on a bench outside the offices. I'm thinking-why are you sitting here? We met and I'm kind of shocked. Not at all what I expected. She gives us a card the kids made for us with a picture of the ultrasound. The whole time I'm looking at it I'm faking the excitement--to myself I'm looking at it thinking-it's a baby.....not it's MY baby. It freaks me out that I'm feeling this way. Ester asks were you up at the office? I was like-YES you told us to be there at 9:30. She was like-are they open? I was like yeah, there's people up there. Whack-a-doodle!

We go upstairs to the dr's office. They did another ultrasound and the whole time it was like I was somewhere else. I was just going thru the motions...trying to pretend like I was so happy and inside I just wanted to leave. I felt NO connection with the baby-none. All I have to compare it to is Myra. I love going to the dr with Myra, love looking at the ultrasound pics that are up on the refrigerator. I trace her little nose and face all the time. I feel 180 degrees different about Myra than I do Ester. There's no comparison. None at all. This feeling in itself is overwhelming. What's wrong with ME? Why do I feel like this?

There's other things that happen, but honestly I don't feel like writing them all down. I told Michael how I was feeling on our way back home...I think he knew my heart wasn't in it. We are both struggling-we don't want to make a wrong decision. Why does this have to be so hard? I don't want to do anything I will regret. I was not super excited about going to meet Ester, but I had prayed that we would get an answer. I had hoped the answer would be relief and know that going forward was the decision, but we got another answer.

Honestly my heart has already left him for another mom to love. My heart is with my precious little girl who I can't wait to love. Once I told Michael how I felt and it was like a burden had been lifted from my shoulders. My stress level has gone down considerably. I've been able to sleep again and actually enjoy thinking about what's in store for us. Am I bad person? Am I a horrible, horrible person??? I just feel like the situation with Myra is so right and Ester is so wrong.

Michael's worried about what we'll tell people. And I told him we tell them that the situation was not right for our family-that's all there is to it. I think Michael doesn't think so either, but he's so loyal and feels like we have already committed to Ester so we must go thru with it.

Another huge consideration is that we want to do invitro again. The nurse told us we need to do this asap as my eggs are ageing and the longer we wait the less chance we have of being successful. I told Michael that there's no way we can try in January or February and have 2 tiny babies at home. One goal with invitro is trying to be as stress free as possible...with one there's stress, but 2??!!

Obviously this is a hard, stressful, sad situation to be in. I know people will judge our decision-but we have to do what's right for us-stand by it and never look back. This will probably be one of the hardest things we've ever done. We are praying for Him to wrap His arms around us. I've prayed and prayed and prayed for Him to show us what we are supposed to do and I think He has.

Going to Cali

We are leaving for California on Saturday morning. Thankfully we are going to see my sis Molly and her husband 1st before we are supposed to see Ester. I say supposed to see Ester because Sunday she was acting weird again and was supposed to call back on Tuesday night and we haven't heard from her since. We were having Life Groups when she called so I asked her if I could call her back after everyone left. So I did and the conversation went something like this. Hey Ester, sorry I had to call you back. We had a lot of people over and were right in the middle of our Bible study. SILENCE. I was like, are you there? Yeah, I'm here. SILENCE. I asked a couple more questions, like how she was, etc. and all questions were received with SILENCE. I was getting irritated at this point so I said-I've got alot of cleaning up to do, why don't we talk this wk sometime. She actually responded to that and said-sure that she would call on Tuesday. I asked her briefly about if she wanted to meet either Wed or Thurs and she said-oh that's still a wk away we can talk about that later. I was thinking-huh? Strange-o!

I have to say-I don't have a good feeling about her. For some reason I don't think we will actually meet her. I think she'll come up with some excuse or just not call. If that happens, we won't be going forward with this little boy. Michael and I have been asking Him to guide us and show us what to do. I think that would be just one more sign that this is probably not the best situation for us. Please pray that God will show us what He wants for us......and we will recognize it!

Myra news-I was so stressed on Sunday-I guess it wasn't just Sunday-it's constant but anyway...Sunday we walk in to church and I hear my name. I look up and there's Myra....at church. I gave her a big hug and we chat for a moment. I know my face was in shock because a couple of my friends were like-that's Myra isn't it? I hope she didn't see my disbelief! It's not that I don't want her to go to church...I do. I just didn't want her to worship at OUR church. She already knows so much about us and once this little girl comes, there's no way we could worship together. It would be TOO weird for both of us. So if indeed she feels that this is were she should be, we will have to find a new church home. That upsets me because I love our church and the people in it. We have found some of our dearest friends there. I know that if this is God's plan, there's a reason. AND if it leads to Myra and her children's souls being saved, then obviously this is what needs to happen. It just adds more stress and worry on our shoulders.

My bunco girls threw me a shower on Monday night. It was so much fun. It was also very surreal. I've waited for it for so long...and still I don't feel totally comfortable. I was taking some stuff out of the package yesterday praying...God, I'm opening and washing these items on faith that you will give us a baby soon. That this little girl will be ours. I kept saying that over and over. I sometimes think-if Heaven forbid, something happens and we don't get either babies...what will I do? I know that it's my past disappointments that is causing me to doubt as well as a good dose of Satan. I'm working very hard on believing that she will be ours and maybe we will even get him too. I'm not greedy. I just want one healthy little baby. I had dreams about her last night. I think of her constantly. I know He has put her on my heart....

A what???

Well, actually I had a better title but Michael didn't think it was as funny as I did...Our Baby Mama's a Prostitute! That's right-I'm serious. What can you do but laugh-I mean really? What are the odds? Okay, I don't know for a fact that it's true-but as Michael says-if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck. I won't bore you with all my evidence--it would take forever.

That being said, it freaks us out a bit. We are worried for her safety (E's) as well as the baby. Her purse got stolen on Saturday (well, that's what she said) so we sent money to her today to get her thru this wk of rent at the hotel. She's supposed to be moving into an apartment on Oct 1st which I'm thrilled about. Lifetime has made it very clear about the amout of financial help we will give, that it's concrete and we won't add more. She knows that and that makes me feel a little better. We are supposed to go out to CA next Sat to meet her and go to a dr's appt...so that should be very interesting.

So let me tell you the "rest of the story". With all this drama going on-we also go to Myra's dr's appt on Tuesday. It was awesome, the staff was so amazingly friendly, the dr was very helpful and we felt great about the whole experience. Even though they didn't have an ultrasound scheduled, they did one for us-at M's request! We got pics and everything. We were just overwhelmed with how cool it was. Loved every minute of it!

We did find out some interesting news-her due date was wrong. The had figured it out by her last menstrual cycle which gave them October 18th. When they did the ultra sound it changed, drastically. Get this-it's now December 18th. Yes, that's right 5 days after E's due date. WHAT IN THE WORLD?? I told Michael, we've been praying for a sign of what to do...maybe this is it? How can we be in 2 places at once?? After continuing to digest this info, I get frustrated. I thought I was going to have a baby in 4 wks and now it looks like I'm going to have to choose one or the other? I was an EMOTIONAL BASKETCASE yesterday to say the least. I felt like I cried all afternoon. Michael was like-who said we can't do both-it's not impossible, it's just going to be a bit of a challenge. I hadn't even thought that we could indeed take them both. (He's so good about helping me think rationally, because sometimes I get ahead of myself! Love you MJ)) My mom was so great and told me she would be wherever, whenever. (I just love my momma so!)

I still don't know what we are going to do. My problem is I don't want to have to choose one baby or the other. What if we choose the wrong one and something happens?? I'm so over all this-I just want a healthy baby in my arms-I'm not greedy.

We spoke with the attorney in CA and he said that we need to tell E-he said there's a law that says you have to disclose who will be living in your home to the birthmom and we could have the little girl before we finalize with E. So that's stressful too.

I just don't know what to do....I'm overwhelmed and I'm so not looking forward to 3 months of uncertainty. We need prayers that God will show us what we need to do...we are trying to let Him guide us. It's just so hard.

Tough Weekend

Let me say 1st of all that this weekend was not a good one. It started off great on Friday-Michael took me out to dinner to River Grill (which I don't know why we don't go there more often-the food is great and the dining experience is even better). I was anxious all day-actually I've been so stressed since Myra has come into our life-I was just so nervous and worked up. He had called in advance and told them that we are in the process of adopting 2 little ones and that I needed a relaxing evening. He asked them if they anything special to give me. How thoughtful...anyway they had Godiva chocolates they brought me as well as best wishes. Our waiter was so sweet and asked all kinds of questions. It really was a nice evening and something we both needed!

Saturday we were going to work in the babies room. We had to run some errands first and right before we were going walk out the door I look out my kitchen window and an ambulance is at our neighbors across the street. I tell Michael, so he rushes over. It turns out that John was having a seizure. They took him to the hospital and we followed. We stayed with his wife for awhile just to make sure everything was okay. It was so scary. His wife was just so startled and she said that life without him started flashing through her brain. Thankfully he's home now and hopefully they can find out what triggered this. He's probably in his late 60's and this has never happened before.

So we go do our errands, etc and are back home getting all the non baby stuff out of the room and we get a call saying that a man at our church was killed in a car accident. We were just devastated. He was only in his early 40's, has a sweet, sweet wife, and 2 adorable girls. We were so shocked. I still can't believe it happened. It breaks my heart for the whole family. I don't know how you go on after something like this? And what about those girls?? He was an amazing man-super friendly and just a great person. Please pray for the Howell and Carter family. They need them so badly.

After saying all this it seems like my issues really don't matter that much-but I will tell you what's going on now. We spoke with Lifetime as well as Ester the end of this wk and all seemed to be back on track. Then I get a call from her on Sunday afternoon. It's a long story but basically someone stole her purse from her hotel room. She said all her money for the next 2 wks of rent was in there and she didn't have any other money. She is supposed to be moving into an apt. the beg of October. She said she just wished they could find her purse-that meant more to her than the money. I told her I totally understood. I told her that I would call Michael (he was at the fire station) and see what we could do to help. So we agreed we would help, but we wanted to just pay for one night and then speak with our attorney to make sure all is well, etc. I call Ester and tell her. I told her I would call the hotel and pay via credit card for Sunday night and then deal with the rest of the wk on Monday. She told me they don't take credit cards over the phone that you have to pay with cash or a credit card in person-which I thought was fishy. I told her I would call the hotel manager and speak with her and see what we could do. She said she didn't speak English very well...I thought-that sounds fishy too. Okay so know I'm on my way to a baby shower and I get a call from Lifetime. She starts telling me the story and says that Ester says that her and her moms purse was stolen-the police found them in a dumpster but all the money was gone. HUH? I stopped the Lifetime girl and told her that's not what Ester told me. SO now I'm really feeling like something weird is going on....I told the person at Lifetime that I would call the hotel and pay for tonight if they'll let me and then we can see what in the world is going on tomorrow. She agrees. So after I get home I call the hotel and indeed they won't take a credit card over the phone and she doesn't speak great English, but she understood me and I could understand her. She was really rude and wouldn't let me speak with the manager. She eventually hung up on me.

It's such a strange situation. I never called Ester back and she didn't call me either. I know that Lifetime called her and told her we were trying to resolve it....I'm frustrated and want to give Ester the benefit of the doubt but she's been making it tough lately. I'm just so ready for this to be OVER. I want to move on with our life with our babies and not have to deal with all this drama!

HMMMM.....

Okay well after I muddled over a conversation I had with Ester on Friday night for a few days and after I spoke with our Adoption coordinator....I'm now puzzled. Ester was acting different on Friday night-not herself at all. She mentioned some things that were kinda strange, but during the conversation I really didn't think much about it. Like she said that her son asked her-"hypothetically what would you name the baby?" She had a name picked out and told me what it was. I was thinking at the time-weird, but maybe she's trying to find out what we are naming him. And she said something about how a committee that she's on a school wants to throw her a baby shower and her sister said-didn't you tell them that you weren't keeping the baby-she said No, it's none of their business. She told her sister that she was going to give us all the stuff that they gave her. Strange again, right?? There were other little things that made me feel uneasy, but with the excitement of talking to Myra, I think I buried them a bit.

So, Veronica our adoption coordinator, said that these are not good signs, but not necessarily horrible signs. I told her that we have been thru enough heartache and if she is thinking about changing her mind, we want to know now. We are supposed to go out there in October and I'm not going unsure of where we stand. Veronica was going to call Ester and try and talk to her without telling her everything I told her. Hopefully I'll hear back from her today.

Anyway-I'm not sure what all this means but we are so tired of all this. I'm so thankful that we have this baby girl to think about and that is really helping me not to freak out about it. We feel so good about that situation--although we felt really good about Ester too, so who knows!?!

Keep praying that if this little boy is not ours we will find out now and not have to go thru another 3 months and then she changes her mind. Also don't forget about Myra and our little girl!

Are we crazy?

Yes, I think we might be. This is the question I've been asking myself since Monday. Seriously, our we Nuts-o?

This could be a HUGE long story, so I'll try and abbreviate it a bit. Monday we got a call from a girl at church who has been a mentor to a local drug and rehab place near where we live. She said, I know of a BM who wants to talk to you about adopting her baby. So we meet...yes, that day. Michael and I go up there with really no expectations. Just wanted to get info, and see what the deal was. She walks up to greet us and she Hispanic. It was kind of ironic and I know we were both thinking the same thing-wow...she's Hispanic. Awesome! If I haven't made it clear, the little boy we are adopting is Hispanic as well. Back to my drama...we sit down to talk to her and we ask her lots of questions--about her, about her life, what she wants, etc. We found out she's 30 years old, this is her 5th child, her other 4 kids are in foster homes and she's in rehab for doing meth. We also found out that she's due October 18th and it's a little GIRL! She has seen the dr. since she got into the rehab facility and has been clean since June..our estimates are that she did meth for about 4 months of the babies life-super scary. Her doctor told her that the baby is doing well and right now the only problem is that she's alot tinier than normal. She has another dr's appt on Sept 17th and they will do an ultrasound again to check this little one out. She tells us that she's ready to make a decision and doesn't want to look at other families. I told her that I would call her Friday-tomorrow-and see how she's feeling and if she still wants to proceed.

SO-from this we go home and our minds are racing. We are most worried about the health of the baby and what the effects could be. I called as many people as I could between Monday and Tuesday to ask their opinion...dr's, nurses, foster specialist, our family, an elder at our church and even an attorney. We were told by the medical people that learning disabilities as well as hyper activity seems to be the most likely as well as how small she'll be at birth...nothing that we can't overcome. I guess there's not a lot of studies that have been done relating to meth during the pregnancy since meth is a relatively new drug.

Okay-so right now we are thinking that we will take her....yes and we will take him too! Now you know why I ask if we are crazy! They will be approximately 2 months apart.

The other super scary part is that we don't want to tell either BM's what's going on-especially Ester. I hate that but I don't want Ester to change her mind and by telling her, we're giving her a possibility to doubt her decision.

Again, I ask for your fervent prayers. Please pray that we will make the right decision--whatever that may be--for our family. Pray for both babies and BM-the little girls BM's name is Myra.

Love to all...

A baby boy for us!

It's true-It's a boy! We found out Thursday and I've been meaning to blog about it and just haven't. It was so sweet-her oldest daughter, Linda-wrote us a poem and that's how she told us. "Roses are red, violets are blue, Michael and Shannon it's a baby boy for you!" Michael was ECSTATIC when he found out. He was getting a tidbit emotional but was able to hold it together. After he got off the phone to start texting everyone AND there brother, Ester said, he's really excited isn't he? I told her, yes sirree, he is!

It makes it all so much more real knowing we know what the baby is and that we will have to start preparing for little boy stuff. God is so good and I know in the past I have definitely doubted Him. I guess that's just the human side of me. I'm so thrilled that this opportunity has been laid at our feet and humbled that we will indeed be parents. My heart is so full of hope, joy and love I can't wait to share it with our sweet, precious boy.

Please continue your prayers for us, Ester and our little one. We so desperately need them. I do have more news, but no time to write about it. No, I'm not pregnant----I promise I'll get back here today or tomorrow. Keep checking back!

Boy or Girl?

Indeed I thought I would be posting that we found out the sex of the baby this week. Ester was supposed to go have an ultrasound last Tuesday. We were so anxious to find out--I was a nervous wreck, plus I was PMS'ing so my emotions were whacked out. Poor Michael!

Anyway, Ester's appointment was at 9am CA time and she called about 2 our time. The baby was so active that "it" wouldn't stay still to find out! As soon as the tech had the legs in place, Ester said the baby did a complete somersault. Maybe they're a bit shy or maybe this is just another lesson in patience?? We said we really didn't care (which we don't) but it surely would be nice to know. Luckily the tech was really sweet and told Ester as soon as they had a cancellation, they would bring her back in. SO maybe we will find something out in the next few wks. We did find out that the baby is healthy AND that the due date was moved up to December 13th! I'm thrilled that it moved up, not only because I really didn't want the baby to have to share it's b-day with Christmas AND it's almost 2 wks earlier than the original date. Woo Hoo!

I'm sure I'll hear from Ester either today or tomorrow so maybe we have another ultrasound scheduled.

Keep praying! :)

Chit Chat

We have been speaking with Ester every wk since we 1st found out about her. I've been finding out little tidbits of information here and there, but I think she might be embarrassed of her life. It makes me sad she feels that way. I'm hoping that after this, that she'll take advantage of scholarships that are available thru lifetime. Id like to see her get her life on track and be an example to her children.

It's so sweet because her eldest daughter, Linda (who is actually her niece) is the one that helped her choose us. She is very interested in us and is constantly asking her mom to ask us something. She told her mom that maybe she wanted us to adopt her.....:) I told Ester to tell Linda that she could be our honorary adoptive daughter-she seemed thrilled with that. She 13 years old and that can be such a rough time in a girls life.

As my conversations go on with Ester, I think maybe not only will we have a baby but maybe we can make a difference in the lives of this whole family.

Ester's dad is in prison-not sure why. The dad or dads of the kids don't seem to be in the picture. I haven't asked Ester about it. She likes to talk more about what's going on with me or tell me about what her kids are dong.

I think we are going to meet her in October. At least that's what it seems like at this point. I think it will make it easier instead of officially meeting her in the delivery room and it's like-Hi I'm Shannon.

I'm hoping that this week we will have a date when she goes in for her ultrasound...I should talk to her today-she seems to call on a Wednesday or Thursday. Please continue to pray for her and this baby. We want them both to be healthy.....

Ester

We found out yesterday afternoon that we have officially matched with Ester! Things aren't going to change that drastically but now we know that she wants to move forward with us as much as want to move forward with her. It was so sweet-she wanted to be the one that called to tell us we could make our "match" official now. She is in her 15th wk now and will probably be having her ultrasound the end of the month. Michael really wants to know, as I do, but I told her if she didn't want to, that was okay. It doesn't matter if it's a girl or a boy...we just pray for health for both of them. We won't be preparing a room till this baby is home in our arms, so it's not that big of a deal either way.

Continue to pray for us, for Ester and for this baby. We are thrilled but December is a LONG way away.....I'll keep you posted.

Ester

Some exciting news happened. We spoke with a BM last Tuesday and again last night. Ester is 31 yrs old, has 3 kids and raising her niece. She is also taking care of her mother who has being stages of Alzheimer's. (needless to say she has her hands full!) She is Hispanic and the daddy is also Hispanic and that's about all she knows about the dad. I'm guessing she had a one night stand because all she told the agency was that she knew his first name and approximately how tall he was. (Eek-not good, I know.) Anywho, it could be good for us because it will be listed as father unknown so we won't have to worry about him disputing the adoption. I think all they are required to do is place an ad in the paper telling the date, place, etc and if no response, no worries.

She is only 12 wks along-she's due Christmas Day. Won't this be an amazing Christmas gift?? We obviously have a long road ahead of us till December so for now, we will pray and try to find other things to occupy our time.

We can't officially "match" with Ester till she's in her 2nd trimester which will be sometime mid July. For now we're are just chatting with her each wk and trying to get to know her better. She seems very level headed and does know all the sadness we've had to face trying to have children. I pray that this will be the beginning of a new chapter...a happy ending.

I'll keep you updated as we go along. Hopefully soon we'll have some pics of her I can share with you. We are anxious to see her ourselves. Thanks in advance for all your love, support and prayers.

Pot Luck!

We had our meeting with DHS yesterday to start the process of becoming Foster/Adoptive parents. It went really well We filled all the paperwork out. Next step is to determine when we can start our training classes. The social worker said that they start them every month but last month they were full, so we may not be able to get into a class till June. (we have to be approved before we can sign up for the class) I'm praying we can get into May's class....the faster we get the classes done (they are 6 wks) the faster we will be an approved home.

I am still praying that this week we will hear from Lifetime. I turn 35 on Friday and what I really want for my birthday is a baby-or at least to know that a birthmom has chosen us. It's only Wednesday so I'm hopeful.

This weekend was s fun...Friday some of my girlfriends took me out for dinner and pedi's to celebrate my birthday and what could be better than that?? It was great to be together-with the move my life has been topsy turvy and I haven't had much time to socialize. Thanks girls for making me feel special!

Sunday we had a HUGE crowd out to the house. It was Life Group and we decided to combine our old group and new group for a big get together. It was nuts-I think the count was 38 or so and 15 of them were under 5 yrs old! We gave our new house a true initiation! The most fabulous part, besides having so many of my dear friends over, was that Michael and I were prayed over. This is the 2nd time we've done this and it's just so moving. To feel the love and to have hands touching you as prayers were being sent up to Him is amazing. I'm so blessed to have so many friends that truly want us to have a baby almost as much as we do. I couldn't ask for a better support system.

Today I got a call from my dearest friend Sherry-she has a challenge for me....she wants me to run a triathlon with her!!!!! It's the 10th of August so I would have to start training the end of May. Luckily this is a sprint triathlon-which I understand is a shorter. I don't know guys, what do you think? I'm thinking yes-I must be nuts!

Last but not least-please pray for Michael's grandfather-Pop. Michael and I went over to his house yesterday to help them out a bit and Michael ended up taking him to the hospital. He's 87 years old and has lived a great life, but he means the world to Michael. We both really want Pop to meet our child and we just pray that God will let that happen here on earth.

My non-baby exciting news!

Today I sent out the 2nd batch of profiles. As I put them together yesterday, I was praying that a birthmother would fall in love with us and soon we would be blessed with our baby. My birthday is in about 2 wks so that is my ultimate birthday wish....I hope that my prayer of blessings follow and news will be coming quickly. ENOUGH baby talk!

NOW for the exciting news! You will never believe what I did on Saturday! I was so impressed with myself, I have to share it with you. I ran a 5K...my very first! It was Race for the Cure this past weekend and normally I walk it with friends, but this year since I've been working out I decided I would really try and run it. I ran all but about 200 yards or so. I'm mad at myself for even walking that bit because now I feel like I have to preface my great accomplishment with---well I ran all but 200 yards! But seriously-this is something I never thought I would actually do! I HATE and I mean HATE running, but I must say it wasn't so bad. My pace is extremely slow so for next year I'm going to work on that. After I was done Sat, I called 5 people to share my running news! I was so pumped.

We are seeding and strawing our yard today-which I can't wait to be done. It's supposed to rain all week so we totally need to get it done TODAY. Moving into a new house takes so much to get everything just right...we have all these visions and ideas, but they take time and money...both of which are limited right now. Oh well, just one more thing to be patient about.

Another Avenue

Today I feel good-almost at peace. Not totally, but I think I'm getting there. I've been working out with a trainer for almost 2 months now and Tuesday I went in and she was like, somethings different about you today. I told her I felt at peace-she totally got it. Kelly, my trainer, is awesome. She also went thru struggles trying to have children. After finally getting pregnant, she actually lost a baby right after he was born so she has truly been a sounding board for me. She gets me.

We've decided to get into the DHS system and apply to be foster/adoptive parents. This is a route neither one of us thought we would pursue, but too many things have happened now that is leading us to this possibility. Not sure what to expect really, but we are going to a meeting on April 29th to find out more. I'm hoping that all of our paperwork we did for Lifetime will be helpful in moving us more quickly in their systems. We want to leave no rock unturned and no path untraveled to get us to the child that He meant for us to have.

Last night Michael and I were sitting outside on our front porch steps just enjoying the moon and sounds of nighttime. He said, "you know, I can just imagine us sitting out here, watching our children playing in the driveway. Our time is coming. I just know it." I thought, you know what, you're right. Our time is coming. And I can't wait.

I'm Back...

Well, I'm back. I know it's been a long time since I wrote anything. I just couldn't face my last few postings...so I just signed on and didn't re-read anything I wrote. Obviously the pain is still close. I would have never thought in a million years that we wouldn't have a baby yet. I got a note from our coordinator at Lifetime that she needs more profiles. That means out of 50 profiles only 3 birth mothers "liked" us. That's disheartening. I'm in the process of getting more profiles together. I have high expectations which leads me to more heart break. I wish I didn't.

We are going to start the invitro process again, probably in the next few months. We finally finished our new home, which is a huge relief. I want to get settled in before we add more stress to our lives. I did find out that my FSH levels are higher than they should be, but it's still possible to conceive. It just lowers our odds of a success. One source of good news is that Michael's insurance provider was changed beginning in 08 and now invitro is covered up to 12K! That is definitely a blessing. I know I need to be more positive-but my heart is so guarded.

Please don't stop praying for us. We need them desperately. Personally, praying for our baby is getting so hard. I feel like I've poured my heart and soul our to Him and He doesn't hear my sorrow.